im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
