At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
