Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
