I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
