Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think your dad took our porno
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
