made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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