I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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