she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
