I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
no, he came in my armpit
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
