I'm eating all of the evidence.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
