i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
