New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
