I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
