That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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