is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
