a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
