that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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