xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
