he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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