Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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