I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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