I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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