false alarm. still invincible.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
