she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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