Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
