I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
