god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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