You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
