If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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