is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
