and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
