So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
