I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
