Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
