Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
