So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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