marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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