No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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