Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
