Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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