Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
