I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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