it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Watching her eat just hurts me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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