I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
