Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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