If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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