dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
