I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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