It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
