So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
