I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
