i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
